Ielts Essay Writing Prevention Is Better Than Cure

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Many people believe that a large proportion of a country’s health budget should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give examples from personal experience where appropriate.

Modern medicine has evolved along two lines: prevention and cure. Many believe that too much emphasis is placed on the latter and that the balance of national health spending should shift to prevention. I am inclined to agree; however, my support is with the stipulation that an imbalance in the other direction should be avoided.

Many modern diseases that require pharmaceutical or surgical intervention, such as diabetes, heart disease and cancer, are induced by poor lifestyle choices. There is an abundance of evidence that these conditions are brought on by such factors as smoking, excessive dietary fat and sugar, and a lack of physical exercise. I have myself lost several family members to cancers and heart disease caused by smoking. Because the cost of treating these diseases is very high, and the prognosis uncertain, the need for preventative intervention is clear.

Fulfilling this need could be exercised in a number of ways. For one, the government could provide more health and fitness centres, and mount a public awareness campaign to encourage people to use them. In addition to this, taxes could be placed on excessive salt or sugar in processed foods, and special taxes could be added to tobacco products to discourage their use. I believe that measures such as these will in the long term dramatically reduce the incidence of certain deadly diseases.

However, it should be remembered that not all examples of modern disease are preventable or predictable, and it is critical to maintain research into cures for all diseases. Thus, in diverting health spending from treatment to preventative measures, countries should encourage a balanced approach to help extend lifespans and maximise quality of life. Prevention may be better than cure, but it can never wholly replace it.

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IELTS Writing Sample

Prevention Is Better Than Cure

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IELTS Writing Sample - Task 2Go To Sample

Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

How many words? How long?

One Possible Solution: (Nothing is perfect! Please take this as an example only!)

This resource has been reviewed. However, there are many mistakes. Please check the critique so that you can become aware of these common errors! Half of the mistakes have been fixed and the rest is given to you as an exercise. You are encouraged to comment and report other mistakes because they are normally repeated in the essay. Doing this gives you a better understanding of how to improve your writing skills.

Health is the biggest topic in our whole world. It does not matter how wealthy a nation is and how much budget is being spent on healthcare services. Rather the main purpose is to provide sustainable health facilities to every human being. I believe education is the first method which brings senses of living without sophisticated disease and unhealthy life. Hence, I personally support that a huge momentary structure should be invested in health education and preventive activities.

Firstly, health education for low educated people implies prevention of being involved in many criminal activities causing life threatening diseases such as Typhoid,HIV and other communicable ones. For example, in most of developing countries, people are suffering from so many communicable disease because they do not know about disadvantage of taking unhygienic food and water because they do not how to purify the water and how to clean food.If we can provide the information about basic information to them then we can avoid those disease and that education cost will be definitively lesser than treatment cost.

Similarly,We pay big bundle of cash to hospital because we have suffered with disease but we are not ready to take vaccination which only cost few. Preventive method take long time but it come at low cast and everybody can face that facilities.

In other hand,treatment is method of preventing from death emergency,it would be measurable on some disaster condition but it is more expensive and sometime we will not able to get good result because we are still unable to have all appropriate skill and materials.Further more,if some body come with massive bleeding by cutting his arm,in that case hospital should suture the wound and prevent from bleeding abnormalities.Like that,treatment are more important in some cases.

To be concluded,health education and prevention measure go for long time and affordable by everyone so country's big budget should be invested in education and prevention measure where as treatment should be available as much as possible.

This writing is found under the following category(ies):
Agree or Disagree  

Critique
This critique is meant for the writing from anjali. This writing task has been reviewed and partially corrected. Please revert to the original IELTS writing before correction to understand this critique!

+TASK ACHIEVEMENT
You were able to achieve the task because you have clearly mentioned your stance on the topic.
+LEXICAL RESOURCE
Vocabulary is weak and you need to put more effort into improving it. There were many words/phrases you used incorrectly.

+COHERENCE AND COHESION
Paragraphs are quite organised.

+GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
You made lots of mistakes especially subject verb agreement which can pull your mark down significantly.
Compare to the original writing.

PERSONAL ADVICE:
+ "Health is the biggest topic ... to every human being": it's too long and comprises of 2 separate ideas. Hence, I strongly suggest you split them into 2 sentences.
+ "the first method which bring senses" -> "the first method which brings senses"
+ "which country have much budget" -> "which country has much budget"
+ Punctuation: "to every human being.I believe education" -> "to every human being. I believe education" (after periods, you need to put a space.)
+ Your ability in expressing ideas is quite weak:
> "senses of living without sophisticated disease and unhealthy life": it doesn't sound right to me.
> "a huge momentary structure" -> "a huge rapid change should take place"
> "prevention of being involved in many kind of preventable disease like Typhoid,HIV and other communicable diseases"
+ "so i personally support": you shouldn't use "so" at the beginning of a sentence because it's only used as a connector for 2 ideas in the same sentence. For example: "it was raining heavily so I didn't go to school"
+ "the grass-hood level,uneducated people": it's strong and not academic.
+ "health education to low educated people means preventing": you should use "imply" not "mean"
+ wrong "preventing of being involved"
+ "people are suffering from so many communicable disease because they do not know about disadvantage of taking unhygienic food and water because they do not how to purify the water and how to clean food.": it's so long and there should be only one "because". In spoken English, you can repeat using that word as a way to emphasise your ideas.




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